A Letter To Myself On This Difficult Day

I often write letters to myself.  Usually during time of stress or change.  It calms me to talk to myself, and helps me to set my intentions.  It also serves as a reminder that their is always a lesson to learn in the hard times, and it is up to me to find and learn from it. 

So here is a letter to me, from me on this ever so difficult 8/3/2017

Dear Kate,

I’m lying here this afternoon thinking about you and how all of a sudden you’ve grown up when I wasn’t looking. You’re an adult now, and although you don’t see it or feel it, I promise that you’re doing perfectly fine. I know how you’re feeling right now. You’re exhausted because it has been a long year and you’ve survived so much. I know you want to huddle in bed right now instead of writing this, but I also know you’re stronger than that.

Let me start off by saying, I am so proud of you. Nothing about life has been easy for you lately, and for that, I am sorry. But despite everything you have managed to keep your head above water and continue fighting forward. I want you to be proud of everything you have gone through leading up to now, especially this past year. I want you to be proud of yourself and mostly of the person you have become.

I know it seems hard now and I know how much you struggle, but PLEASE don’t settle for less than you deserve.  I’m there with you on those days when everything feels impossible. When you cry and you feel like you’ll never find what you need. But trust me, you will. Deep down you know who you are and how much you bring to the table. So I beg you, please don’t be afraid to eat alone. You deserve the world and even a little more. You are smart. You are beautiful. You are enough. You are everything.

Think of how many people work jobs they hate because they couldn’t say no to the money or promotion. Or those who wallow in misery because they settled for their relationship or significant other. If you know a particular path won’t make you happy, don’t be afraid to block off entrance.

What I mean is, start slamming more doors and burning more bridges.

If you know a door leads you to a life that would make you unhappy shut it. If you’ve peeked through a keyhole and seen something that makes you a little dead inside slam the door and burn it down behind you. Otherwise you might be tempted to go through it later out of boredom, uncertainty or remorse. You might be tempted to say yes to something you hate, which might be the saddest of all fates. Don’t stay in a relationship just because you feel guilty about leaving someone. Don’t stay at a job because you feel like they wouldn’t be able to survive without you. Don’t maintain an unhealthy friendship because you feel like they need you. Don’t do anything for anyone if you are sacrificing yourself in the process.

 Try not to take everything so personally and don’t let others get you down. Society is ugly.  According to them you will never be enough.  Smart enough, thin enough, pretty enough, or perfect enough.  YOU ARE ENOUGH.  Right now, exactly as you are. Your curves, your quarks, your freckles; all of these things make you, YOU. Everything about you is perfect in every way, especially with your flaws.  Accept those things that make you different and embrace everything that makes you unique.

I know you’re sensitive but when people hurt you, try and understand their side of the story. Most of the time, things have nothing to do with you, and everything to do with the other person. Forgive people.  And don’t just say you will, I know you do that sometimes. Actually let things go. Learn from other’s wrongdoings and leave the hurt in the past. Do not waste your time on people that hurt you, you don’t need anyone like that in your life.

Not everyone you meet is meant to stay around forever. People you love will continue to come and go and you will continue to be frustrated with that. But people who’ve left don’t define you and how you respond to their absence doesn’t define you either. Everyone will end up right where they are supposed to be. So try not to rely too much on others for your happiness, because at the end of the day all you are guaranteed is yourself, remember that.

Now look at you: the strong one, the one who survived her hardest year.

And you didn’t JUST survive. You lit hope in all your dark places. You stood up, tended to your wounds and moved forward. You believed in your worth even when you felt broken and alone. Everything that has happened to you will make sense one day. All the pain, hurt and frustration will someday serve you and become worth it. Remember that everything happens for a reason.  You don’t have to try so hard. You are exactly where you need to be right now. So just breathe.

So stop being so hard on yourself. So much of this time in your life is self-discovery and learning through trial and error. You entered into this year on uncertain feet and are leaving it with so much more than you came with. You’ve lost much but you’ve also gained. This is your journey and no one can tell you how to navigate it. Don’t be afraid to be you. You are creating a meaningful life for yourself that you can be proud of, so promise me you will make the most of it.

Although I realize I don’t say it nearly enough, I hope you know how much I love you.

Love, Kate