The Science Of Selling Yourself Short
Settling for crumbs doesn’t keep you fed, it keeps you starving.
Settling feels awful. Take it from me- for the past seven years I have been attempting to cram a square peg into a round hole, simply because I have been afraid to put down the peg I’ve been holding for so long and look for a new one that would fit better. What I mean is, I have been settling in my personal life by accepting a relationship where I am getting so much less than I want, and I have been doing this only because I’ve been afraid I couldn’t have more than I was currently getting.
There is a big part of me that feels embarrassed to admit that I was settling because of this deep fear that I couldn’t possibly have what I wanted from a partner, because it’s been so long since I have. Although, I know I am not the only one. My partner has been settling for me as well. From the start things have never been easy, we have always been oil and water. Somehow we have managed to muddle through it for the past seven years. That has to mean something, right? Wrong. When the point comes in your relationship when you start to question everything, wondering if it’s all worth it and if you should keep trying to make things work, I assure you the answer is right there in front of you: no.
It’s normal in love to sometimes forget that a relationship is give and take, but we need to know when to draw the line. When you start settling for intimate relationships where you’re not seen and heard the way you want to be, or can’t show up authentically, it’s time to pull the plug. It’s just a pizza without any cheese on it and your relationship tastes ridiculous and nasty. Why would you want to stay with someone if you two aren’t treating each other the way you want to be treated? Or more importantly, the way you need to be treated. Everyone deserves someone who is going to try to give them the world, not someone who makes you upset everyday. Each one of us has a person out there who is going to bring us so much joy and happiness, so there is no point in settling for someone who doesn’t.
When you’re in a relationship where the two of you continue to blame one another for past mistakes, it can be very damaging. If each of you are always digging up past past problems this is clearly a lose-lose situation for both of you. If you let this go on long enough, you’ll start to spend all your time trying to be less wrong for each other instead of more right for each other. It’s not fair to either of you to settle for someone who makes you feel like less of yourself. Or to settle for someone who makes you question the type of person you are. Why would you keep fighting to stay with someone who is trying to change the person you are or the type of life you are living? Although it is painful, you both need to realize your worth and let go of one another if you are holding each other back
It’s not worth it to be miserable in a relationship. If you feel that you can’t see a future anymore. If you’re staying in something where you can’t even see a tiny glimpse of hope. If you’re tired and exhausted emotionally, physically and spiritually. If you’ve given it your all and it’s still not enough. If things just don’t work out anymore.
YES. It’s okay to give up.
Be fair to each other and stop trying to fool yourselves into thinking that how you’re living was ever enough to either of you. Sometimes, no matter how hard partners try, their relationship just doesn’t work. Being selfish in the means of unintentionally hurting each other can ruin both of you. Toxic relationships that you may find yourself in are unpleasant for everyone involved. This is the most difficult when two quality partners lose each other and can’t seem to figure out why. When both partners have done all they can and still aren’t sure what went wrong it feels terrible. Although, if both parties have done their best and end in appreciation of the other’s efforts, they should use what they’ve given each other to form a better foundation the next time around. If you can find a few positive takeaways in the overall negative experience, you can walk away a better, smarter, more loving person.
“The truth is, unless you let go, unless you forgive yourself, unless you forgive the situation, unless you realize that the situation is over, you cannot move forward.”
– Steve Maraboli
Moving forward will seem impossible. Throughout the relationship you have done so many great things, had great times and created memories. What you need to remember is you lived before this certain person. Depending on the length of relationships we sometimes forget the person we were before and how amazing we actually can actually be on our own. Always try and remember that you can be complete deep in your heart, even if it feels like the person you’re losing is taking a big part of it with them. Everyday will get easier and you will soon restore the person you are with even stronger and amazing new you. After restoring your bruised heart you’ll make room for new adventures, rekindle old hobbies and just create more space for happiness and better things coming.
